Just Enough.

When you’re too much,

When you’re too reserved,

When you’re hunger is just a little too big,

When you’re words don’t roll out as smooth as they’d like,

Don’t for a second doubt yourself.

You would be just enough for someone someday.

The Shadow Monster

The shadow monster is back.

I have come to the conclusion that I can never do away with this old friend. Over the last couple of months I have successfully been able to tuck him quite nicely just like sun dried laundry on a Saturday afternoon paying no regards to his rough edges .

I remember how I first came across this unwanted friend. You see growing up kids had imaginary friends. At no older than 5 years old, the shadow monster was certainly not that. Present through out stages of my life, his existence has always been real. It was through a song that he manifested himself to me and just like the African war songs, it drew him out into existence, out of hes connives within my mind. This song was unlike all other songs I had gotten accustomed to at the time. It was a well practiced performance of my life acted out by the very people who where supposed to love me unconditionally. And I had front row seats to every show.

You can understand how I could have easily mistaken the shadow monster as a friend. He gave me the space I badly desired to agonize in myself deeper. Today I know the shadow monster is no friend of mine and although I am aware that I can not totally get rid of him, I am determined however to win back my ground in this on going battle with the shadow monster. I have new friends now and with their help I am able to confine the shadow monster whenever he pokes out his unwanted head to play. The shadow monster came out to play today but I told him I had other plans.

The USF seal of approval/ Learning Self Love

Today I received my diploma in the mail. My diploma had just been officially approved Wednesday of last week even though I graduated in August. I have come up with a theory, it won’t be a memorable event if I don’t well Bunny it up‘.

Like most things related to me, I had somehow managed to complicate issues by owing my now Alma mater two dollars and sixty seven cents. Yikes, way to suck off every penny USF.  As you may imagine I am excited to finally hold in my hands proof to one of my newest favorite, yet cringe worthy hashtags #MicrobiologisttoBioinformatician.

I know the question on a lot my readers mind right now may go along these  lines;    “Why do tell bunny what does USF stand for?” Well maybe not in those exact words but a girl is allowed to embellish aren’t I? To indulge my dear readers, the acronym USF stands for the University of South Florida. This large but modest and still growing university is located at the heart of Tampa Florida. While it’s definitely not one of the top universities (ermm not even a top hundred University), it is well known for its research prowls and opportunities available to students all round campus and may I add proud owner of a ranked college football team.

So here I am with my Masters degree in Bioinformatics (do not ask. as it might take a good portion of this post to comprehensively efficiently explain what this program is about) and the reality of the next step/job market is finally sipping in.

During my masters program I had exerted myself into various projects and research opportunities but I had merely tapered my feet on the surface of the deep waters of this field. To make things more complicated, being a national of a different country makes my job prospect a tinsy bit more difficult than the average college graduate. To continue to improve my skills, I have decided to continue this fall with an internship I had over the summer.

A lil bit about me, I don’t do run into you in the lunch room conversations at work. When I’m in the lunch room I just want to heat up my lunch and that’s it unless I run into someone I’m familiar with. Iv’e been trying to change that lately and do the whole let the inner you reflect outwards thing, so I set out to have more awkward lunch room/elevator conversations.

Just the other morning I had a couple of not so bad conversations under my belt and I felt extra good about this new me. While others where trying to act disinterested yet really interested into the free food laid out in the lunch room ( there is no shame in the game people), some lady tried to have a chat with me. I felt so good about my new skills I decided to delve further in to the new me, why not give a witty and smart reply. Save to say I’m still trying to dig up out the whole I buried myself in after that encounter. It was so bad that during a leisurely lunch stroll I ran into this woman yet again, and we both proceeded to be busy. Me on my phone chatting her on an obvious fake phone call.

When it comes down to it though, I think these quirky yet interesting bits about me are what make me who I am and I am absolutely in love them. Over the past couple of months I have been able to see myself in a different light, as my self love increased I have noticed that it’s this little bits about me people seem to be fascinated in the most. It draws them in and makes them want to know me better. And with an improved understanding of this, I am going to keep trying to improve and love myself harder simultaneously. So just a little piece of advice, don’t ever be afraid to bunny things up every now and then.

Seasons of love

Its summer and like the waves of heat that hits deep into the soil causing it to turn to dry crusts of dust, so does this pain run deep into the embers of my soul. Its roots taking hold of my heart, divulging every last drop of blood running through my veins. Day by day it makes my heart its home, sprouting up like the blossoming flowers of the summer. I let the heat consume me, I let the summer become me.

With the fall comes release, the stronghold with which the growing misery had on my soul slowly falls off. Outside my widow I watch the leaves let go of the stems they called home for months, the roots which had once strangled my heart with no mercy are now withering away giving room for other wonders of the fall. Piece by piece I regain every lost inch of my heart.

The freezing cold of the winter brings with it another sensation, even though I do not like the cold, I realize that with this cold comes the cooling of my soul. All around me is covered in white, even the darkness that once took hold of my heart. I am totally free from the parasite which resided within my heart, no pain, no heat, no regrets just the cold breeze that keeps my heart beating just at the right temperature and at the right rhythm.